By Noura Mohd Jaber—
I was born and raised in Amman which is the capital of Jordan. Jordanians were led by a new king, King Abdullah, after his father King Hussain passed away. I love this beautiful country, which is in the Middle East, and I love the teachers there who used to tell me that I was ambitious, brave, smart, and helpful in school. I have four siblings; two brothers and two sisters, and I am the oldest one. The closest brother to me was my brother, ”Azmi” because there were less than two years between us. We actually shared many things, such as the same room, we went to the same school, and played the same games. I used to be his protector because I felt he was mine. Although we shared many things, I thought I should spend more time with him instead of studying.
In October, 2003, my brother started to complain about his leg. There was a pain in his left knee, and it was swollen. My father took him to The Medical City hospital, and there they took an x-ray of my brother’s leg. Doctors told my dad that there is something, but they were not a hundred percent sure about it, so they want to take a knee biopsy. My father became suspicious when he heard that, so he took the x-ray and consulted another doctor, who was his cousin. His cousin told him he suspected there was cancer, but it was necessary to make sure that my brother should take a biopsy. My parents kept praying and hoping that it was not true. After two days, the doctors told us the shocking news. They told us that my brother had bone cancer. At that moment, I felt as if my life flipped, and I was shocked. It was a catastrophe and a nightmare that attacked our home. I was only fifteen years old, so I didn’t have lots of information about this disease. The only thing I knew at that point was that the mortality of this disease is really high.
My parents at the beginning didn’t tell my brother what was going on because they were afraid about his feelingsbecause many questions popped in their mind. How he is going to accepts this, or could he handle such news?However, later on they told him the bitter truth. He was only thirteen years old and no one in our family had it before, so he thought that he was going to take medicine then he would be good.
Consequently, my brother started his chemotherapy journey. The fear had controlled me, and I was afraid of losing a brother, partner, and friend. I tried my best to stay calm and positive in front of him, and I didn’t want him to see any looks of pity towards him. I started to research this disease, and I collected information. My brother had to eat sesame, garlic, and ginseng because it would help his immune system. I tried to make him happy by reminding him of funny stories we did in the past. Once my mom punished us because we built a speed bump of shoes. Since we lived on a deadly street, speeding cars had taken many lives. While my brother and I brought all the shoes that we had and lined it across the street. The shoes float in every direction in the air, and it actually worked because cars started to slow down. Then my mom came and she was startled, and we were punished. When I reminded my brother of similar stories, I could see that his eyes laughed before his lips.
My mother had to sleep with him at the hospital because my brother had to take chemotherapy. Due to that, my mom needed domestic help which I barely knew about at the time because the only thing that I was exposed to was books and more books. I had to take care of the house. I had to clean, make breakfast, lunch, and dinner with the help of my uncle’s wife. It was hard at the beginning, but I learned over time. I also had to study. Of course, my grades suffered. On the weekend, we used to visit my brother at the hospital. I wished that I had never seen him in this situation. It was so hard! My heart broke when I saw his beautiful black soft hair, his eyebrows, and his eyelashes had fallen off. His face turned yellow, and he was getting sick easily. I felt that my hands were tied; I couldn’t protect him this time.
Azmi was fighting hard. He was going to “Alsabelah” school while he was taking his chemotherapy. He had made two surgeries, one in his leg and the other one in his lungs since cancer kept spreading through his body; doctors excised the damaged parts. Azmi used to sing in Arabic “stronger than the cancer is me” and kept repeating it. One week before his death there was a break between two semesters. He started to forget, and doctors said that there was a small drop of blood in his brain. I can’t forget these days because we tried hard to remind him of the name of his school, friends, or our street name, but he couldn’t remember.
He was looking at us like we were saying something new to him or strange. I can’t imagine that my little brother had to face all these horrible, scary, black days. Unfortunately, on January 27, 2005, my brother’s journey against this monstrous attack ended. When they told me, I couldn’t believe it. I didn’t cry because I saw his books, and his clothes all around me. I thought he was going to come back from the hospital as usual. After three days, the school bus came to take him to school. My mother told me to go outside, and to tell the driver to go. When I stepped out of the house, my eyes went directly to my brother’s usual seat. At that moment, I couldn’t stop my tears. I told the bus driver to go, and I knew that my brother wasn’t going to come back.
I have recognized that life is short, and we have to capture every moment we have. We have to live it and love it. No matter if young or old, death will knock on our doors one day. I have become more sensitive and more understanding to the people who suffer, and I have become more responsible at a young age. I learned how to stay strong because life is not easy. I support people with cancer, and I become an organ donor because no one should suffer. At the end, I accepted that my brother’s soul rested in peace, and I’m going to see him in the other world. Last but not least, we should use our time wisely because our family is a basic part in our life, so we should enjoy every little moment together.